Domestic Violence Considerations

What is Battering?

Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes they are entitled to control another. Assault, battering and domestic violence are crimes.

Definitions: Abuse of family members can take many forms. Battering may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation and power. In all cultures, the perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family. Women are most commonly the victims of violence. Elder and child abuse are also prevalent. Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of the following categories:

Physical Battering - The abuser’s physical attacks or aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks.
Sexual Abuse - Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or culminates in, sexual violence wherein the woman is forced to have sexual intercourse with her abuser or take part in unwanted sexual activity.
Psychological Battering -The abuser’s psychological or mental violence can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property.

Battering escalates. It often begins with behaviors like threats, name calling, violence in her presence (such as punching a fist through a wall), and/or damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing, slapping, and/or pinching. The battering may include punching, kicking, biting, sexual assault, tripping, throwing. Finally, it may become life-threatening with serious behaviors such as choking, breaking bones, or the use of weapons.

(Return to Top)

Who Is Battered?

Rural and urban women of all religious, ethnic, economic, educational backgrounds, of varying ages, physical abilities, and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is NOT a "typical woman who will be battered." The risk factor is being born female. Over 50% of all women will experience physical violence in an intimate relationship, and for 24-30% of those women the battering will be regular and on-going. EVERY 15 SECONDS THE CRIME OF BATTERING OCCURS.

More than 50% of child abductions result from domestic violence. (Geoffery Grief & Rebecca Hagar, "Abduction of Children By Their Parents: A Survey of the Problem," Social Work, 1991)
Approximately 1 out of every 25 elderly persons is victimized annually. (Candace Heisler, Journal of Elder Abuse and Neglect, 1991) 22 to 35% of women who visit emergency rooms are there for injuries related to on-going abuse. (Journal of the American Medical Association, 1990) Up to 50% of all homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence. (Elizabeth Schneider, Legal Reform Efforts for Battered Women, 1990) 5 to 25% of pregnant women are battered. (Evan Stark & Anne Flitcraft, 1992)
One out of every four gay couples (25%) experiences domestic violence in their relationship. That’s approximately the same rate as heterosexual couples. (Family Violence Prevention Fund, 1996) A study of violence among dating couples of high school age found that 12% had experienced abuse in one of their relationships. (Nona O’ Keefe, Karen Brockoff, Esther Chew, "Teen Dating Violence," Social Work, November\December 1986)
Sexual abuse against disabled girls and women is roughly twice as high as for non-disabled girls and women. Considering that 33 percent of American women experience domestic violence, a conservative estimate says that at least 60% of disabled women have experienced it. (New Mobility Magazine, 1995) In 1994, 28% of the 4,739 women who were murdered were slain by a husband or boyfriend. (FBI)
According to the U.S. Office of Justice, over two-thirds of female victims of violence documented in 1993 were related to or knew their attacker.
A 1992 study of family and intimate assaults reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that family and intimate assaults involving firearms are 12 times more likely to result in death than all non-firearm family and intimate assaults.
A 1993 study in the New England Journal of Family Medicine revealed that homes experiencing domestic violence were close to five times more likely to be the scene of a homicide than other homes. It also reported that a handgun in the home is 43 times more likely to kill a family member or an acquaintance than an intruder.
The Bureau of Justice reports that although divorced and separated women comprise only 7% of the population in the U.S., they account for 75% of all battered women and report being assaulted 14 times more often than women still living with a partner.

If you are being abused or battered, you are not alone. There is help available and people who will understand your situation. Nobody deserves abuse. You and your children have a right to safety.

(Return to Top)

Why Do Men Batter Women?

Many theories have been developed to explain why some men use violence against their partners. These theories include: family dysfunction, inadequate communication skills, provocation by women, stress, chemical dependency, lack of spirituality and economic hardship. These issues may be associated with battering of women, but they are not the causes. Removing these associated factors will not end men’s violence against women. The batterer begins and continues his behavior because violence is an effective method for gaining and keeping control over another person and he usually does not suffer adverse consequences as a result of his behavior.

Historically, violence against women has not been treated as a "real" crime. This is evident in the lack of severe consequences, such as incarceration or economic penalties, for men guilty of battering their partners. Rarely are batterers ostracized in their communities, even if they are known to have physically assaulted their partners. Batterers come from all groups and backgrounds, and from all personality profiles. However, some characteristics fit a general profile of a batterer:

A batterer objectifies women. He does not see women as people. He does not respect women as a group. Overall, he sees women as property or sexual objects.
A batterer has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He may appear successful, but inside he feels inadequate.
A batterer externalizes the causes of his behavior. He blames his violence on circumstances such as stress, his partner’s behavior, a "bad day," alcohol or other factors.
A batterer may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence, and is often seen as a "nice guy" to outsiders.
Some behavioral warning signs of a potential batterer include extreme jealousy, possessiveness, a bad temper, unpredictability, cruelty to animals and verbal abusiveness.

(Return to Top)

Why Do Women Stay?

All too often the question "Why do women stay in violent relationships?" is answered with a victim blaming attitude. Women victims of abuse often hear that they must like or need such treatment, or they would leave. Others may be told that they are one of the many "women who love too much" or who have "low self-esteem." The truth is that no one enjoys being beaten, no matter what their emotional state or self image.

A woman’s reasons for staying are more complex than a statement about her strength of character. In many cases it is dangerous for a woman to leave her abuser. If the abuser has all of the economic and social status, leaving can cause additional problems for the woman. Leaving could mean living in fear and losing child custody, losing financial support, and experiencing harassment at work.

Although there is no profile of the women who will be battered, there is a well documented syndrome of what happens once the battering starts. Battered women experience shame, embarrassment and isolation. A woman may not leave battering immediately because:

She realistically fears that the batterer will become more violent and maybe even fatal if she attempts to leave;
Her friends and family may not support her leaving;
She knows the difficulties of single parenting in reduced financial circumstances;
There is a mix of good times, love and hope along with the manipulation, intimidation and fear;
She may not know about or have access to safety and support.

Barriers to Leaving A Violent Relationship

Reasons why women stay generally fall into three major categories:

1. Lack of Resources:

Most women have at least one dependent child.
Many women are not employed outside of the home.
Many women have no property that is solely theirs.
Some women lack access to cash or bank accounts.
Women who leave fear being charged with desertion, and losing children and joint assets.
A woman may face a decline in living standards for herself and her children.

2. Institutional Responses:

Clergy and secular counselors are often trained to see only the goal of "saving" the marriage at all costs, rather than the goal of stopping the violence.
Police officers often do not provide support to women. They treat violence as a domestic "dispute," instead of a crime where one person is physically attacking another person.
Police may try to dissuade women from filing charges.
Prosecutors are often reluctant to prosecute cases, and judges rarely levy the maximum sentence upon convicted abusers. Probation or a fine is much more common.
Despite the issuing of a restraining order, there is little to prevent a released abuser from returning and repeating the assault. Ñ Despite greater public awareness and the increased availability of housing for women fleeing violent partners, there are not enough shelters to keep women safe.

3. Traditional Ideology:

Many women do not believe divorce is a viable alternative.
Many women believe that a single parent family is unacceptable, and that even a violent father is better than no father at all.
Many women are socialized to believe that they are responsible for making their marriage work. Failure to maintain the marriage equals failure as a woman.
Many women become isolated from friends and families, either by the jealous and possessive abuser, or to hide signs of the abuse from the outside world. The isolation contributes to a sense that there is nowhere to turn.
Many women rationalize their abuser’s behavior by blaming stress, alcohol, problems at work, unemployment or other factors.
Many women are taught that their identity and worth are contingent upon getting and keeping a man.
The abuser rarely beats the woman all the time. During the non-violent phases, he may fulfill the woman’s dream of romantic love. She believes that he is basically a "good man." If she believes that she should hold onto a "good man," this reinforces her decision to stay. She may also rationalize that her abuser is basically good until something bad happens to him and he has to "let off steam."

(Return to Top)

Predictors Of Domestic Violence

The following signs often occur before actual abuse and may serve as clues to potential abuse:

Did he grow up in a violent family? People who grow up in families where they have been abused as children, or where one parent beats the other, have grown up learning that violence is normal behavior.
Does he tend to use force or violence to "solve" his problems? A young man who has a criminal record for violence, who gets into fights, or who likes to act tough is likely to act the same way with his wife and children. Does he have a quick temper? Does he over-react to little problems and frustration? Is he cruel to animals? Does he punch walls or throw things when he’s upset? Any of these behaviors may be a sign of a person who will work out bad feelings with violence.
Does he abuse alcohol or other drugs? There is a strong link between violence and problems with drugs and alcohol. Be alert to his possible drinking/drug problems, particularly if he refuses to admit that he has a problem, or refuses to get help. Do not think that you can change him.
Does he have strong traditional ideas about what a man should be and what a woman should be? Does he think a woman should stay at home, take care of her husband, and follow his wishes and orders?
Is he jealous of your other relationships—not just with other men that you may know—but also with your women friends and your family? Does he keep tabs on you? Does he want to know where you are at all times? Does he want you with him all of the time?
Does he have access to guns, knives, or other lethal instruments? Does he talk of using them against people, or threaten to use them to get even?
Does he expect you to follow his orders or advice? Does he become angry if you do not fulfill his wishes or if you cannot anticipate what he wants?
Does he go through extreme highs and lows, almost as though he is two different people? Is he extremely kind one time, and extremely cruel at another time?
When he gets angry, do you fear him? Do you find that not making him angry has become a major part of your life? Do you do what he wants you to do, rather than what you want to do?
Does he treat you roughly? Does he physically force you to do what you do not want to do?

(Return to Top)

Domestic Violence Checklist

Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse.

Does your partner....

	Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
	Put down your accomplishments or goals?
	Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
	Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
	Tell you that you are nothing without them?
	Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
	Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
	Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
	Blame you for how they feel or act?
	Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
	Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
	Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
	Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"?

Do You...

	Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
	Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
	Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
	Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
	Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
	Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
	Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.

(Adapted from: Reaching and Teaching Teens to Stop Violence, Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition, Lincoln, NE.)

(Return to Top)

Where can I get Help?

Getting Help: Safety Planning

If you are still in the relationship:

Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs - avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
Think about and make a list of safe people to contact.
Keep change with you at all times.
Memorize all important numbers.
Establish a "code word or sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
Think about what you will say to your partner if he/she becomes violent.
Remember you have the right to live without fear and violence.

If you have left the relationship:

Change your phone number.
Screen calls.
Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
Change locks, if the batterer has a key.
Avoid staying alone.
Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place.
Vary your routine.
Notify school and work contacts.
Call a shelter for battered women.

If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action. Important papers you should take include social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children, your marriage license, leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner's names, your checkbook, your charge cards, bank statements and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2's), and any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)

(Return to Top)

Getting Help: Support

Domestic violence is a pervasive problem in virtually all countries, cultures, classes and income groups. It is a complex and multifaceted problem with individual solutions that are appropriate for different women in different socio-cultural contexts.

Both short and long-term measures must be considered. Short-term measures consist of assistance programs that protect the individual woman who has been or is being abused. They often focus on the critical period after a woman leaves her home, providing her with food, shelter, and guidance. This is the period when a woman is most at-risk from the perpetrator seeking retribution, or when she might return to the home out of a sense of hopelessness. Long-term measures seek to educate the public and empower the woman to re-establish her life without violence.

Any response should involve an interrelationship between the health, legal and social sectors, so that the woman is not continually referred to another agency. One innovative approach is the use of "family crisis centers," or "victim advocates" to act as the woman's link to the various sectors. Support can come in various forms:

Crisis Intervention:

crisis intervention services
crisis hot lines
shelters or other emergency residential facilities
medical services
transportation networks
laws that allow either victims or perpetrators to be removed from the home

Emotional Support:

self-help support groups
assertiveness training
self-esteem and confidence-building sessions
parenting skills courses

Advocacy and Legal Assistance:

access to and custody of children
property matters
financial support
restraining orders
public assistance benefits
help with immigration status

Other Supportive Services:

housing and safe accommodations
child care
access to community services

(Return to Top)

Getting Help: Workplace Guidelines

There are 60,000 incidents of on-the-job violence each year, and most victims know their attackers intimately. (Chicago Sun Times, 9/30/96)

What to Do . . .

If you are experiencing domestic violence:

Notify your supervisor and the human relations manager about the circumstances regarding your situation.
Discuss options available to you, e.g., scheduling, safety precautions, employee/family assistance benefits.
Submit a recent photo of the perpetrator to your safety manager in the event of a confrontation at work.
Request that all information be treated with confidence to provide for your safety and well-being.

If you are the co-worker of someone experiencing domestic violence:

If you suspect a co-worker is suffering abuse, do not directly confront her/him since it is important for an individual to self-disclose for her/his own safety and well-being.
Express concern and a willingness to listen and be supportive if needed.
Offer support by listening and assisting; when an individual is ready, she/he will confide.
If a co-worker confides in you, encourage communication with the human resources manager and her/his supervisor.
If you witness an incident at work, contact your safety manager or law enforcement immediately. Make sure that the incident is documented.

If you are the supervisor or manager of an employee who is experiencing domestic violence:

Be aware of unusual absences or behavior and take note of bruises or emotional distress.
Contact the human resources manager to discuss concerns, resources available and ways to support the employee, e.g., safety planning, employee assistance counseling, family resource referrals, flexible scheduling, security measures.
Be familiar with community resources and referrals.
Maintain confidentiality at all times; be sensitive to the seriousness of the situation.
Discuss who is appropriate to speak with the employee; agree on all forms of communication, e.g., providing the safety manager with a photo if there is a risk at work.
Assist the employee in documenting all incidents with the batterer that occur in the workplace.
Take action against domestic violence by encouraging employees to volunteer and by providing financial or in-kind support to your local domestic violence programs.

(Return to Top)

Getting Help: Legal Guidelines:
Questions to Ask Before You Hire An Attorney

General questions about divorce or custody cases

Have you or any members of your firm ever represented my partner or anyone associated with my partner?
Do you handle divorce or custody cases? How many of these cases have you handled?
How many of them were contested?
How many of them went to trial?
Did any of the cases involve expert witnesses?
How many were before the judge(s) who will hear my case?
What kind of decisions does this judge usually make?
Have you ever appealed a case, and if so, what were the issue(s) appealed? How many of these appealed cases did you win? (Remember that even excellent attorneys lose cases.)

Questions about attorney fees and costs

What are your fees? What work do these fees cover? Is this an hourly fee or a flat fee for the entire case?
Is there an additional charge for appearing in court?
Do you ever charge less for people who do not have much money?
Do you charge a retainer? How much? What does it cover? Do you refund all or part of the retainer if my case ends up being dropped or not taking much time? (Attorneys should be willing to refund any part of the retainer not spent.) Are there other expenses which I may have to pay? What are they and how much are they likely to be?
Will you be the only person working on my case? What will other people do? How will I be charged for their work? Will I be charged for speaking to your secretary? Your receptionist?
Are there ways that I can assist you so as to keep down my costs?
Will you send me a copy of letters, documents, and court papers that you file or receive regarding my case?
Do you charge extra if the case gets more complicated or we have to go back to court?
Will you require that I have paid everything that I owe you before you will go to court with me or finish my case? (Many attorneys do this. They may also refuse to return your original papers or copies of your file, and in some states this may be legal. Therefore you should insist on getting a copy of any paper filed with the court or given or received from another party or otherwise relevant to your case. Be sure to keep all of them in a safe place, in case you ever need them.)
Are you willing to work out a payment plan with me?
Will you put our agreement about fees and what work you will perform in writing?

Questions about cases involving domestic violence

How much experience have you had with cases involving domestic violence? Which party did you represent (the victim, the abuser, or the children)?
Do you generally believe women who tell you that they have been battered?
Do you go to court with women wanting to obtain orders of protection against their abusers?
How sympathetic to battered women are the judges who will hear my case?
What are the laws of this state regarding which parent should be given custody when one parent has abused the other parent? Does the judge(s) who will probably hear my case follow these laws? What do they usually recommend?
What do you think about joint custody awards in cases involving domestic violence?
What do you think about mediation in cases where there has been domestic violence?
Do the expert witnesses likely to be involved understand the need to protect battered women and children?
What kind of custody and visitation arrangements do they usually recommend in cases involving domestic violence?
Do the judges usually follow their recommendations?
Do you have a working relationship with the local battered women's program? With whom have you worked?
Do you have a working relationship with any batterer intervention programs? Which one(s)?
How helpful is the local prosecutor in handling domestic violence cases?

Questions about contested custody cases

Do you usually believe mothers who tell you that their child(ren)'s father has physically or sexually abused them?
How do you handle cases where parental alienation syndrome is alleged? (This is a popular theory which blames mothers for turning their children's affection against the father, most often in cases where the father has abused the mother or the children. The American Psychiatric Association says there is no scientific basis for this theory.)
How do the custody evaluators that you work with feel about cases where the father has abused the child(ren)? Do they usually believe a mother's statements about the abuse? What kind of custody and visitation recommendations do they usually make?
How does the judge(s) who will probably decide my case feel about cases where the child's father has abused the child(ren)? Do they believe mothers who have made reports about the father's physical abuse of the child? About the father's sexual abuse of the child?
Will someone be appointed for the children, and how will that person feel about the father's physical abuse of the child? About the father's sexual abuse of the child?
Will it matter if the child protective service agency has substantiated the abuse? If the father was convicted or pled guilty to the abuse in a criminal case? What do you do to protect children in cases when you know that their father is abusing them? Are you willing to stand up for my case, even if it angers the judge?
If none of the abuse allegations have been made public yet, what do you recommend about whether to raise them and how, and how to keep my children safe?

(Return to Top)

Domestic Violence CONSIDERATIONS